{"title":"ALL TEES","description":"\u003cp\u003eEvery statement tee we make. Heavyweight 100% cotton. Oversized drop-shoulder fit. Front caption, back truth. Said flatly. Worn loudly.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"don-t-follow-me-tee","title":"DON'T FOLLOW ME TEE","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e[ Do not proceed if you are the designated responsible adult in the room. ]\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is a courtesy notice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThere's a version of you that makes highly questionable decisions with complete conviction. That texts first. That stays way too long. That orders the thing, takes the trip, and says yes to something that requires a lot of explaining later.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNot reckless. Just unbothered by consequences in a way that other people find either admirable or alarming depending entirely on how close they're standing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe warning is genuine. You're not asking anyone to stop you. You're asking them to be clear-eyed about what they're signing up for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Don't follow you.\" Because if they do, they need to keep up. And you do stupid things with full confidence, zero hesitation, and very little regret.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThis file is built for the version of you that refuses to apologize.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is not a novelty t-shirts. Our T-shirt are psychological warning labels. The front is the courtesy notice. The back is the uncompromising reality.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFront: DON'T FOLLOW ME [ PUBLIC WARNING. ]\u003c\/b\u003e Said clearly. Said for their benefit.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eBack: I DO STUPID THINGS [ WITH CONFIDENCE. ]\u003c\/b\u003e And you're not stopping.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLet the heavy-weight fabric do the heavy lifting. You don't have to explain your chaos. Just wear the warning.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e300 GSM heavyweight cotton. Oversized fit. Screen-printed front and back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFree US shipping. Return it if it's not yours full refund, no questions.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ODMPOD","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":59456013173022,"sku":"260617PODPQ7986#001","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":59456013205790,"sku":"260617PODPQ7986#002","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":59456013238558,"sku":"260617PODPQ7986#003","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":59456013271326,"sku":"260617PODPQ7986#004","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456013304094,"sku":"260617PODPQ7986#005","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":59456013009182,"sku":"260617PODPQ7993#001","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 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]\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003eYou said it at the door.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e You said it again inside.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003eYou probably said it a third time because you actually meant it the part of you that genuinely loves people \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ci class=\"\"\u003edid\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e mean it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003eBut the other part of you,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e running quietly underneath the whole evening,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e had already calculated exactly how long you needed to stay before leaving stopped being a thing.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003eNot because you don't care.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e Just because you have a strictly limited amount of \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ci class=\"\"\u003e\"on\"\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e in any given day.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e And this event was drawing from a reserve you were already watching closely.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003eYou stayed the socially acceptable amount of time.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e You left without making it weird.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e You got in the car,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e shut the door,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e and finally exhaled.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb class=\"\"\u003eThis file is built for the version of you that operates on a strictly limited battery.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003eThis is not a novelty t-shirts. Our T-shirt are psychological release valves.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e The front is the polite social performance.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e The back is the survival strategy running in your head.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb class=\"\"\u003eFront: SO GOOD TO SEE EVERYONE [ WHAT I PERFORMED. ]\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e The front you showed.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb class=\"\"\u003eBack: COUNTING MINUTES TO LEAVE [ WHAT KEPT ME CALM. ]\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e What was running underneath.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003eLet the heavy-weight fabric do the heavy lifting.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e You don't have to pretend you want to stay.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"\"\u003e Just wear the truth.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e300 GSM heavyweight cotton. Oversized fit. Screen-printed front and back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFree US shipping. Return it if it's not yours  full refund, no questions.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ODMPOD","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":59456014909726,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#001","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":59456014942494,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#002","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":59456014975262,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#003","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":59456015008030,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#004","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456015040798,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#005","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":59456014745886,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#001","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":59456014778654,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#002","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":59456014811422,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#003","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":59456014844190,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#004","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456014876958,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#005","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky Blue \/ S","offer_id":59456014418206,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#011","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky Blue \/ M","offer_id":59456014450974,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#012","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky Blue \/ L","offer_id":59456014483742,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#013","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky Blue \/ XL","offer_id":59456014516510,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#014","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456014549278,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#015","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ S","offer_id":59456014582046,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#006","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ M","offer_id":59456014614814,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#007","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ L","offer_id":59456014647582,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#008","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ XL","offer_id":59456014680350,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#009","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456014713118,"sku":"260619PODPQ3967#010","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy Blue \/ S","offer_id":59456015073566,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#006","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy Blue \/ M","offer_id":59456015106334,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#007","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy Blue \/ L","offer_id":59456015139102,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#008","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy Blue \/ XL","offer_id":59456015171870,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#009","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456015204638,"sku":"260619PODPQ3966#010","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0998\/7751\/9646\/files\/498f5bb884184bb5915e33f5ed121454.jpg?v=1785242122"},{"product_id":"unbothered-tee","title":"UNBOTHERED TEE","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e[ Do not proceed if you actually know how to \"let things go.\" ]\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFrom the outside, you didn't even blink.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSomeone said the thing or did the thing and you held your face exactly where it was. Steady. Unbothered. You moved the conversation forward like it hadn't landed at all.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd then you got home. You sat down. And you played it back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNot obsessively. Just thoroughly. You heard their tone again. You replayed your own response. You found exactly three different things you \u003ci\u003ecould\u003c\/i\u003e have said instead. You sat with the version of events that nobody else in the room saw.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Unbothered\" was the expression. \"Still replaying it\" is the truth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe gap between those two things is where most of your evenings live.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eThis file is built for the version of you that is exhausted by the replay.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is not a novelty t-shirts. Our T-shirt are psychological release valves. The front is the impenetrable armor you wear in public. The back is the unvarnished reality of your private mind.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eFront: UNBOTHERED [ CONTROLLED EXPRESSION. ]\u003c\/b\u003e What they saw.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eBack: STILL REPLAYING IT [ THE TRUTH. ]\u003c\/b\u003e What was actually happening.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLet the heavy-weight fabric do the heavy lifting. You don't have to keep pretending the armor isn't heavy. Just wear the truth.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e300 GSM heavyweight cotton. Oversized fit. Screen-printed front and back.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFree US shipping. Return it if it's not yours full refund, no questions.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"ODMPOD","offers":[{"title":"Sky Blue \/ S","offer_id":59456015401246,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#011","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky Blue \/ M","offer_id":59456015434014,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#012","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky Blue \/ L","offer_id":59456015466782,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#013","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky Blue \/ XL","offer_id":59456015499550,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#014","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sky Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456015532318,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#015","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ S","offer_id":59456015565086,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#006","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ M","offer_id":59456015597854,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#007","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ L","offer_id":59456015630622,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#008","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ XL","offer_id":59456015663390,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#009","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Mild Apricot \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456015696158,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#010","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":59456015728926,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#001","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":59456015761694,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#002","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":59456015794462,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#003","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":59456015827230,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#004","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456015859998,"sku":"260619PODPQ4005#005","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":59456015892766,"sku":"260619PODPQ4006#001","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":59456015925534,"sku":"260619PODPQ4006#002","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":59456015958302,"sku":"260619PODPQ4006#003","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":59456015991070,"sku":"260619PODPQ4006#004","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":59456016023838,"sku":"260619PODPQ4006#005","price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0998\/7751\/9646\/files\/1c31ba6fa3e54d0f8cfd8022390a3ab6.jpg?v=1785242091"},{"product_id":"we-are-just-friend-tee","title":"WE ARE JUST FRIENDS TEE","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003e[ Do not proceed if you and your \"friend\" are strictly platonic. ]\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe official story is clean.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou've rehearsed it without realizing you were rehearsing it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Just friends.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSaid casually. 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